“Why do you always accelerate towards speed bumps?” asked DH the other day as I was driving us back from Sunday lunch at the pub.
“What do you mean?” I replied, puzzled
"You accelerate towards them, then slow down suddenly, then accelerate off again really fast” he said, before adding thoughtfully “you always do it”
I can’t say that I’ve ever noticed this peculiarity of my driving, but I was thinking about DH’s comments during a recent run, when I realised that I run in the same way I apparently drive: with short bursts of speed, going all-out wherever possible before slowing down, exhausted, completely unable to pace myself.
The summer holidays have come and gone, passing in a slow blur of languid activity and frantic listlessness. For the whole eight weeks, I was entirely committed to focussing on the looming prospect of Big School. And so I was slightly thrown when the Small Girl, in pristine uniform and pigtails, her school bag almost as big as she is, quietly accepted her new status as schoolgirl, and settled happily into her new routine of lessons, packed lunches and playground drama. Perhaps, after all, it was destined to be a bigger adjustment for me than it was for her.
“So what happened in your first assembly this morning, Sausage?” I asked her on the walk home from school, a few days into term.
“The Archdeacon came to talk to us!” she replied.
“Oh lovely – and what did he say? Did he tell you a story?”
“Yes, about Baby Cheesus” she replied quietly, frowning.
“Baby Jesus… and what did he do in the story?” I prompted
The Small Girl thought for a second, before replying “he came to Newbridge and fixed a hole in the road!”. The she skipped off ahead to peer at a snail making its way slowly along the pavement.
There is no inherent reason why I should feel such a huge sense of urgency about everything I do. The only conclusion I can draw is that I am constantly spurred on by a persistent anxiety that sits in the pit of my stomach and is as disquieting as it is groundless. Because I really have no reason to feel anxious - if you had asked me ten years ago where I hoped my life would lead, I would have described almost exactly the life I have today… all I have to do now is teach myself to slow down enough to actually enjoy it.
